perspective.

It's kind of crazy sometimes how life changes so quickly. This was me a year ago ------------->

I was getting ready to go to Florida for the Inaugural USA Rugby Women's High Performance camp. Rugby was my life and my love. I had an amazing time at the camp; I got my butt worked,

I learned so much my brain could explode, and I got rained on. A lot. It was an incredible learning experience that I wouldn't trade for anything. At this time last year there was a high possibility in my mind that rugby would be something I stuck with for many more years. I was toying with the idea of moving to California or up to the northeast so I could continue my career by trying out for a WPL team. I was living my life to the fullest and loving every second of it. I loved the work I was getting to do with USA Rugby, I LOVED how my WCR team

was shaping up, things were all falling into place. My last semester at BYU was one of the best I had. I was playing the sport I loved, coaching the other sport I loved and taking classes I loved. Everything seemed to be going just perfectly. But something was off, for some reason I just wasn't getting any clarity towards what I should do after graduation. I thought it was maybe me just being nervous about this step towards the unknown or not wanting to think about leaving BYU, but whatever it was, I wasn't worried about it yet. Soon the semester started nearing its end. Friends left and right were preparing to go on missions, classmates had jobs and grad schools lined up, and I was still "figuring things out." Even though it wasn't ideal, I had a lot more on my mind to worry about. Graduation, playoffs, moving back to Texas, these were my top priorities. After all of that was finished, then I could worry about my future. Graduation came, I walked the stage. Playoffs came, we played our hearts out. My time in Provo was quickly coming to an end. It was like that closing scene in a movie with the montage of all the memories, (the good, the bad, the happy, the sad) playing to a dramatic and emotional song. I walked out of the apartment that had been home for 3 years to the parking lot I was so familiar with. I drove on the familiar roads I now knew like the back of my hand. It was the day that had seemed so far away, it was the day that was forever on the horizon, yet here it was. I was filled with a sense of sadness and loss, of fear and uncertainty. What was

in store for me now? Where was I going with my life? I was happy to be coming home, to be back in Texas with family and good friends I'd missed, but there was a big part of me that wasn't sure if I was ready for this.

The next few months were spent in an odd state of limbo and indecision. I had a rugby camp in June, a family vacation in July, I wasn't working. Mostly I was avoiding thinking about anything of importance. Enter the wonderful people in my life who (metaphorically) hit me upside the head and made me really think about what I was doing. Thanks to some deep conversations with them and between myself and Heavenly Father, I knew what I had to do. It wasn't what I had originally wanted to be doing, but I knew it was what I had been needing to do all along. I remember, distinctly, the night I realized that rugby was ending for me. At least for a little while. I don't know if I'll play again, if I'll just stay with coaching, but gone were the dreams of the WPL and the Women's World Cup for at least 18 months. Rugby had it's time with me, now it was my turn to give myself over to the Lord. I had been toying with the idea of a mission for months, but had been avoiding thinking about it seriously because I knew that meant an end to my current rugby aspirations. I talked to my Bishop, I started the paperwork, it was finally all coming together.

I wanted this to be something I was prepared for, I wanted to make sure if I was going on a mission that I was doing it right. I kept it pretty quiet, I wanted it to be just between me, my family, and the Lord for the first little bit. I knew it was going to take time and effort, but I felt ready. It started slowly, mostly because I was nervous and still hoping that I was making the right choice. And then it started becoming easier. I was getting more excited, things were coming together.

It was like every talk I heard or scripture I read was reaffirming that thought and helping me grow. I finally felt like I had an answer that was clear and definitive in my mind.

This is me today --------->

I know where I'm going with my life. Well at least in general. My call won't be here for another few weeks or so, but soon I'll know where it is the Lord wants me to be for the next 18 months. I may not have my career laid out or a rugby life in the works, but I wouldn't trade this life I have right now for anything because I know it is exactly the life I'm supposed to be leading. It's not perfect, it's not always easy, but it's mine. I didn't know how it was all going to turn out, I felt uncertain and confused for more time than I wanted, but I thank my Father in Heaven everyday for the blessings in my life and this opportunity I have ahead of me. 2012 is certainly shaping up to be a good year.

how I learned what it feels like to be a big sister

So as I've been reading back through my old posts, I found I have not given justice to a very important part of my last year at school. In October of last year I found out that Provo High was looking for an assistant basketball coach to work with the Freshman and Sophomores. At that point of my coaching minor I didn't have an internship lined up and I was quickly running out of time. Thinking I surely wouldn't have the time to commit to this with such an important rugby season on the horizon, I set up an interview and went to just see what it would be like. The minute I walked into that gym I knew I would be staying there. The feeling of how right it was, that this was where I needed to be was overwhelming. Luckily the coach liked me and liked what I could bring to the team, my internship was officially in the works. As I watched the girls playing I was reminded of how much I loved and missed basketball. Rugby had been so important for so long, but basketball was my first love.

It was a new experience for me, stepping into the role of coach. None of these girls knew me, I didn't even really know if I knew what I doing, but it still felt so right. I was very excited to get started and I knew it would all work out eventually. Tryouts started as rugby was finishing up and the first thing I noticed was how different basketball in Utah was from basketball in Texas. In Texas, freshman basketball teams were all experienced. Maybe not spectacularly good, but almost all the girls had been playing ball for at least 2 or 3 years. Watching the first day of tryouts I saw girls who had been playing for years and girls who had maybe shot a basketball 3 times. It was a daunting task ahead, but for some reason that made it more exciting. Coach Moore brought in two other girls (former Provo High players and current BYU students) to work with me and the Freshman/Sophomore squad. Ellen and Karissa were the best co-coaches anyone could ask for. As we got our team set and our practices going I knew we were going to be hard-pressed to not have fun with the group we had. Between the girls and the coaches there was never a dull moment at practice or any team function for that matter. Team dinners, warm-up, bus rides. Always laughing, [almost] never not laughing. The really special thing about this team was their heart. We may not have had the most talented team in Utah, but they gave so much of themselves, they wanted to make us proud as coaches. We didn't always win, but I wouldn't trade that team for any other.

I didn't think I would get so close with my girls. That's a lie. I knew I would get attached to them, but what I didn't expect was how much love they expressed to me. I'm pretty sure I got more hugs in that one basketball season than I think I got in all 4 years of college. It's hard to describe the kind of team dynamic we had, but it was one built on love and respect. I wanted my girls to love basketball like I loved basketball even if they weren't winning, I wanted them to be able to feel proud of their accomplishments even if it wasn't 20 points a game. Telling them that I wouldn't be there to coach the next season nearly broke my heart, having to say goodbye to them was like leaving a part of my family. It became about more than just basketball with them, it was an experience I wouldn't trade anything for.

They tell me all the time how much they wished I was up there coaching this season and they tell me all about their games. I know I went to Provo High for that meeting for a reason and I know those girls were that reason. So to all my coaches; Moore, Ralphs, Liz, Ellen, and Karissa, to all my girls; to Remi, Taylor, Hayley, Sarah, Tiare, Lisa, Elle, Kate, Kelly, Adri, Asay, Sam, Maddie, Emily, Rachel, Noa, Michelle, Sierra, Dewey, Dani, Tala, Cindy, Chelsea, Shelby, Sammi, Melaina, Jenessa, Weez, Alexis, Koop, and Al, I just want to say thank you. You've made me a better person and you've taught me more than I ever thought I'd learn as a coach. This won't be a season I will soon forget.

it's a miracle

second blog post in a week! This will be a little short, but I just wanted to post some exciting news. No, I have not received my mission call yet. But, coming in a close second, I'm getting to coach again! Last night I had my first night as a coach with the Alliance Rugby Club (ARC). I will officially be the Girls High School Head Coach and I will be assisting with the JV boys. Maybe sometimes even the varsity boys, but I'm not sure on that one. I'm so happy I'm finally getting to coach rugby, I can't wait to get going.

I know it's short, but it's progress. New Years Resolutions will not defeat me this year!

O! PS- I forgot to put this in my last post, but I've got a friend who picks one word for the year to help keep focused on resolutions and goals throughout the year. I'm stealing this idea from her.

My word for 2012: Diligence.

one of those new years posts...

Well hello blogging world, nice to see you again. I know, it's been a while. I've never been good at keeping a blog, but I'm seriously going to try and make this happen. Just a few things have happened since I last posted. I saw all of my family, I got a (real) job, I made some new friends, I visited Utah, I ate a lot of turkey and goodies, I'm still finishing those online classes... you know, minimal stuff. I'll highlight some the best parts for the sake of my sparse reading populace:

New job- I am currently a chiropractic assistant at Back in Motion Family Chiropractic in Hurst. It's pretty great, I'm definitely enjoying the perks of having money again. I miss school, but work is good.

Church- Most people are aware of this, but for those who aren't: I'm planning on serving a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. My papers are almost done and I should have my call before February. More info to come one that later.

Friends- My ward is amazing here. So many new friends made, so many good memories. Love them all.

Family- My family is amazing. I saw everyone in July and loved every second. Marci and Christian came down in September. Maya is talking, Dean is walking. It's crazy how fast they grow. We eat so much good food at my house it's ridiculous.

Rugby- I miss it. A lot. A LOT. I try to get out and pass the ball around when I can, but it's not often. I miss my team. My teams. My rugby family.

Online classes- still happening. Sorry about that Mom.

So that's my last 6 months in a nutshell. Sorry it's so bare bones. I'm really going to try harder to be good at this. As a promise I leave this list of New Years Resolutions:

1) Write in my blog weekly (I know, this one's ambitious).

2) Write in my journal at least every other day (Also ambitious).

3) Find opportunities to serve weekly.

4) Grow spiritually by daily prayer and gospel study.

5) Go through the temple.

6) Serve a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

I would say that's a pretty solid list. Here's to you 2012, I've got a good feeling about this year.

I really tried...

to be good at blogging. It's just a little hard sometimes with all that's been going on the last little while. So this post will be a brief overview of what's happened in the last 6 weeks or so of my life.

My last post was done the day before we left for the Final 4 in California. We took a big charter bus out there and got all settled on Thursday at the Longhurst's. My mom, dad and sister flew out from Texas to cheer me on (they even made shirts with my face on them). It was a very exciting time. Our game came Friday afternoon and we played in what some people described as the best game of collegiate women's rugby they'd seen. It was a back and forth battle with Army, they were a very talented team and everything seemed to be clicking for them. We had some struggles in the backline, but we were putting together good phases and capitalizing on most opportunities. With 4 minutes left we were down by 4, but it just wasn't our year. Our run ended losing, once again, to the eventual national champions. Army went on to beat Penn State in the championship while we watched from the stands. It was a hard end to an amazing season, but the fact remains that our team did what's never been done, our team made history. I'll never forget this team or the experiences I had with them. WCR forever.

After playoffs, I headed back to Provo for my last week there. Saying goodbye is never easy, especially when you don't know when you'll be seeing those people next. It was a pretty crammed week, but I got a lot of people in and had quite a bit of fun while I was at it. My Dad flew out Friday morning and we got ourselves on the road that afternoon to make the long drive home. I loved my time in Provo, I loved BYU, but I was ready to be home in Texas. I missed home.

I only had two weeks at home before I was on the road again. On June 5th I flew out to Pittsburgh, PA for a week of rugby joy. O I had missed rugby. The first part of the week was a 3 day Women's High Performance academy camp. It was amazing to be with such high level coaches and a smaller group of players working on real technical detail and skill. I loved every second of it. The best part was being with so many players that I know and love. 4 of my teammates were there (Bex, Ela, Kara, and Curly) and there were 4 or 5 of my All-American teammates. It was awesome to be with everyone again. I don't know where I'd be without my rugby family, I love them all so much. The second part of the week I got to add more love to my rugby family by playing with the Pacific Coast Collegiate All-Stars. It was an amazing experience to get to play with those girls. You'd think it would be hard to form a cohesive team in one day, but we came together quick. There was so much hard work out on that pitch and I couldn't have picked a better team to be with. We started the weekend with a scrimmage against MARFU that went really well for us. Our first game was Friday and, after a lovely rain delay, we got our start against SoCal. The game was a beautiful one for us, we were flowing, we were meshing, things were looking awesome. We closed out a great game with a solid 48-0 win. It was amazing to see this team come together like that after being together for like 36 hours. Friday night was spent with more bonding and a trip out to the city for an arts festival. Saturday we went bowling, had a short practice, did our rookie skit, just had a nice day with the team. Sunday We were set to meet South for the Tier 2 championship. This game would determine if we got to move up to Tier 1 next year or if we would be waiting another year for the shot at a championship. Last year Pac Coast was in the same place and lost to the USA u20's in overtime. We wanted to avenge that game. It was hard for me as I sat on the side and watched my team battle with all of their heart. It was a back and forth game, both teams wanted it so bad, both teams were skilled. We went into overtime. After 100 long, hard minutes of rugby, we came up just short. 20-15. I was happy for South, I know a couple girls on their team and they worked hard. Next year we'll be there again, next year we'll get our win. It was an amazing weekend with an amazing team. I was so happy to get more rugby family in my life.

After a week of hard rugby, my body was ready for a break. I got home and got to just relax, swim, tan, work on homework a little. It was nice, but I'm missing rugby. It's hard not having a team to play with around here, not even a buddy to pass the ball around with. I'm looking into finding something, but Texas isn't known for it's women's rugby. So for now I'm happy just being home with the family, relaxing and finishing up my last few classes online.

In other exciting news, we are going to Canada in ONE WEEK!!! I'm so excited to see Mac, Mel, Cami, Dean, Marci, Christian, Eden, Ella, and Maya!!! It will be the first time having the whole family together again since Christmas in Mexico, 2009. I get a whole 10 days of family fun. Best late birthday present EVER. Other than that, not much going on in my life. Hoping to be getting a job after Canada, I definitely need one.

this might be a long one

Well, it was going to happen at some point. I've never been terribly consistent at this whole blogging thing, but I'm making the effort! I guess it's time for another update as many things have happened since I last wrote. To start, I finished exams, walked the stage (nbd), and got most of my stuff all packed. The best part was the rugby, but we'll get to that.

So graduation was awesome, my fam came out and we had a blast, not unusual for our family. They helped me clean and pack (I wouldn't have been able to do it without them), Friday we went out to lunch to a graduation/birthday celebration. Tucanos was PACKED, but Stef was smart and made a reservation. Then I got to walk across the stage and get my diploma cover and feel all cool. It was way sweet. I got to sit with a bunch of my friends and we had a blast talking about the people giving speeches and how it was taking so long, my cynical psych friends do make things like that much more entertaining. After graduation I got to spend the weekend out at Marci's to celebrate Eden's birthday. I can't believe she's 4! My nieces and nephew are all getting so big! Dean is literally exploding he's so huge! I miss him a lot, but at least we have video chat :]

So once graduation ended I was all prepared for a nice relaxing couple of weeks where I could read books on my new graduation Nook (thanks Mom and Dad!) and just chill. But I really fail at that. I picked up a few shifts at work and then spent a ton of time just seeing people because I felt like I had so much time. It became much more busy than I was expecting. It was all good though, because Thursday (the 28th) we hopped on a plane to Minnesota for the Sweet 16! It was finally here, our chance to go on farther than we ever had. We got to Blaine and met our host families (our was SO the best, thanks Moses's!) and everyone was just giddy with anticipation. Fridays game came and we played UCLA, winning 31-10. It wasn't our best game, but we played pretty well. The wind did not help our game plan, you could watch passes sail 5 yards farther forward than you had placed them. It was crazy how bad the wind was, but we adjusted and made it work. Now we were to the point where we'd never won. We'd never made it past that fateful top 8, never punched our tickets to the final 4. I was so ready. We were to be matched up with Navy, a physical squad that we knew weren't going to go down easy. It rained all of Friday night and the field we played on had huge puddles and swampy patches, but luckily the rain stopped just long enough to let us play without it. The wind was still going, but not as bad as on Friday. The game started and we knew this was going to be a tough, defensive battle. Both teams were in it to win it and both teams wanted to prove something. The forwards dominated all game, stealing almost every scrum (there were A LOT) and neutralizing their strength of attack. The backs struggled getting phases put together because of the wet conditions and wind, but about 25 minutes in, Kristi did what she does best. She sliced through practically half their team and touched down dead center to put us up 7-0. From there it turned into a battle of possession and defense. The score didn't show how much we dominated in possession and field position, but we struggled finishing. The last 10 minutes were the hardest as we were down a player (thanks Ela), but we held out. We knew time was out and as they tried to swing it wide we had two girls who made a very picturesque tackle into a puddle to send water splashing and Navy home. The game was over. We'd finally done it. We're going to the final 4. We knew the teams we were going to face were going to be hard, we knew the next two games would be the hardest we would ever see, but we knew it was where we belonged. This is our year to show the world what WCR means. This is our year where the only things in our way are the teams we have to face. We leave Wednesday night for California. It's time.

there are no words

to describe the feelings I had this weekend.

Let's go back, I feel the need to end on that happy note so we'll start from where we ended last post. So this week was my last week of classes. Like ever. Kinda weird to think about. I had an infinitely harder time focusing because we left for California on Thursday for regional playoffs. It was a miracle I accomplished anything this week. But accomplish I did! All I have now standing between me and rugby bliss is 3 finals (1 is a take home so it really shouldn't even count). Then I graduate on Friday. Then I get to play in Utah until rugby is over. YAY!

Now onto the exciting stuff. Thursday we drove to California for the Pacific Coast tournament. We went in with the #3 seed and would be facing UC Davis in the first round. I've been looking forward to this trip pretty much all semester. We made great time on the drive and got to Cali with no problems (kind of a big deal for us, we almost always have something happen). Friday we got to go to the Oakland temple in the morning since our game wasn't until like 5 and do baptisms. Very cool experience when we get to do that with the team. So game time comes around and was not quite what we expected. UC Davis came out hard and kind of took us off guard. We played maybe the worst game of our season, but came out on top 45-22. It was a little bit of a shocker for us since we hadn't had a game like that yet, but we knew we couldn't do it again. Nevertheless, the win gave us a guaranteed spot in the sweet 16 and we were happy about that. Saturday we would be facing up Stanford, an opponent we have never beat. The winner would take the top seed from the Pac Coast and the #2 seed overall in the tournament. The loser would have the Pac Coast #2 seed, the #8 seed overall, and would be in Penn State's bracket. This game was everything for us. Saturday we got to relax all morning, do homework, take some time to ourselves, it was nice. We had a devotional before we left and then it was game time. We got to see UC Davis beat Chico St. for the #3 seed and that made me happy since I've got a friend on their team and I really wanted them to make playoffs. We hit warm-up focused and ready. The funny thing was we were down two starters for this game. Keilani hurt her knee 2 weeks ago and Sam sprained her AC joint in Friday's game. But somehow it didn't feel like we were missing anyone. Everyone was clicking, we were ready for this game. In 4 years, we had never beat Stanford. This was our time. I can't really even describe how I felt before the game, it was a feeling of calm, and preparedness. I don't know how to say it, but I knew this was our game. Game starts, 2 1/2 minutes in and we score. This was Cougar Rugby. This was how we played. We played as one on that field, we played like we've never played before. Every player complimented one another, we knew where we needed to be, to made good decisions. It was beautiful. Not long after our first score, Kristi hit a beautiful gap and, as is usual for her, would not go down. 12-0 for the Cougars. It turned into a defensive battle from here on out, each team giving everything. Big hits on both sides, both teams getting close while the defense held strong. Just before half we got an overload on the outside and sent Bex running up the side. Halftime score 19-0. We knew this wasn't the end. Almost every game we've played against Stanford has seen us leading at halftime. This was our game for the taking if we wanted it. While Stanford was focused so much on our backs, our forwards were playing an incredible game. We contested well, stole lineouts and scrums, gave our backs good balls. It was the kind of game we needed. Second half got going and it was another defensive battle. Stanford earned a hard earned try to put the score at 19-7. We knew this was the time we needed to make our statement. Hard play continued, every possession was a fight. With some beautiful ball movement, we got the ball into good position. We were close to the line with a lot of moment. 3 meters out and we had a solid ruck. It was the forwards turn to say how we played. It was my turn to make a statement. I took the ball, hit bodies, rolled and saw the line. What a blessing that I have long arms. I stretched and made sure that ball made it in. The utter joy of hearing that whistle signaling I had scored was unlike anything. Everyone was yelling and jumping, I think we knew this was now our game to win or lose. 20 minutes left and it was 24-7. Now was the time to play the best defense we could. And defend we did. The ball barely stayed in our half, we weren't going to give them anything. The clock kept running and Stanford fought hard, but as time got shorter our hopes got higher. The clock was out and Bex had a ball rolling her way, one kick out of bounds and that was the game. The final whistle blew. We'd finally done it. I remember running to the sideline and being so full of relief, it was finally our time to show who we are. We hugged and cheered and I dropped to my knees, I had waited for this for so long. As we started lining up to shake hands, Curly came up to me and told me that "it was about damn time." For so long had been so close. We shook their hands, thanked the ref and headed to the sidelines to hear from Tom. I was so overcome with emotion, so full of happiness that is was finally happening. Tom was so proud, so happy that we had learned and adjusted as necessary. It was an incredible feeling. We thanked our fans, got pictures, celebrated. Sweet 16's here we come. These are the moments I'll never forget.